Who will your UKIP MEP candidates be?

Well you won' t find out until after Nigel's favourites names have been officially lodged with the Electoral Commission and cannot be changed. That's democracy in Nigel's new modern UKIP. Don't complain you malcontents you voted for it except you did not realise it at the time. Its the EU way of doing things which Nigel thoroughly approves of and endorses. His time in Brussels has not been wasted. He has learned many lessons from the EU on how to fix things

So who will make it onto these lists. Who wants to be a millionaire? You will just have to wait until the white smoke is seen emanating from Nigel's room?

Lets try and decompose the problem a little.

First comes our current MEPs. Nigel's cronies, Nuttall  &, Bloom are certs. The position of Clarke is a little uncertain. Some say he is too old. I say you are never to old to say Yes Nigel!

Less certain are Batten, Natrass, will he won't he, will Nigel forgive him? He certainly needs Natrass in the West Midlands to combat Nicky more than Batten who can be easily replaced by Winston MacKenzie who of course will help Nigel's multi-racial credentials. Agnew in East Anglia is probaly safe because of his money. Andreasen and Legge seem no longer to enjoy the Fuerher's favour so will be out. Trevor and Nicky have already opted out and Bannerman another Farage protege has run off and rejoined the Tories. John Bufton is also out of favour but Wales with a reinvigorated Labour party may be unwinnable for EUKIP.

That leaves 2 vacancies in the South West, 1 in East Anglia, 1or 2 in the West Midlands. Natrass will be one if he manages to be reconciled and re-integrated with NF. If KP can do it for England surely Natrass will manage it. One will be needed in the South East to replace Andreasen and 1 in London to replace Batten. I expect Neil Hamilton to be parachuted into the South West list and possibly also his wife as well. I also expect Ms Duffy's partner Reeve to be first on the East Anglia list above Agnew and as earlier Winston MacKenzie to be first in London. Who will Farage have on the SE slate to replace Andreasen? I think he will want a woman and I suggest Margot Parker a former EU lobbyist so well versed in the ways of Brussels that she and EUKIP seem made for each other. She also  did very well at the Corby by election.

Now consider the gender and ethnic balance. A black homosexual woman would tick all the boxes but I can't thinkof one. I think Jane Collins who came second in the recent Rotheram by- election might do nicely in the West Midlands. At no two in the South West if not Mrs Hamilton then who? That brings us down to the wannbee MEPs, mainly white middle aged males.

Crowther has aspirations in the South West but did he not make a mess of the London election nominations? More likely is Towler, familiar with EU waysand  a long time Farage apparatchik whom Nigel can rely on to do what he is told.

Further down still we get to McGough. He has little chance in London because of the change in the ethnicity of the population theres. Middle aged white males are unlikely to succeed. The face fungus is OK but only if its black and Muslim. Then there is young Arnott who may be no 2 again to Godders in Yorkshire but could go to the moribund East Midlands region.

More likely are some money bags. Nigel's media chums are dangerous. They might outshine the leader on the box but they may go on some lists around the number 4 slot for their media personna.

Apologies to those I have omitted. There are many card carrying Farage loyalists and patriots, many women, who have worked hard for EUKIP over the years but as Edith Cavell said before they shot her, 'Patriotism is not enough'. He or she who would an MEP be must devotedly curry favour with Nigel over the next 15 months. So get licking and sucking you wannabee MEPs!